Welcome to my diary.
Proceed with caution.

(NOT MOBILE FRIENDLY)

01/05/2023 It's a new year and I'm already hating it lmao. I turn 24 this month and I'm honestly not excited. At least I have pokemon to waste my time with, as well as a new manga, but I know they both won't last me long if I keep hyperfixating on them like I am. But fuck man, Violet is so fucking fun. And it made me cry a few times. Poor fucking Arven, getting fucked in both games.

12/28/2022 So my bitch ass had an extreme muscle cramp in my shoulder. That was fun. I had to take two weeks off of work because of it and I am not happy, but what can I do. I mean, not have a body I gues??? My doctor gave me muscle relaxers for it, and halellujah they worked. I'm still a little stiff but no more pain. I continued pokemon violet over the holiday weekend, and let me tell you that I'm about to put too much time into this damn game because I love filling out the pokedex. I'll probably spend too much time on it over this weekend too lmao.

12/12/2022 I have officially moved to working only three days a week. Because I'm in pain 90% of the time, especially while I work, I have to cut back my hours. Thus, I've appled for a FAP (food assistance program, I don't know why they named it as such lmao,) with the hopes of getting a bridge card or something like that to help out with groceries. Since my shit ass brothers don't contribute to the house and only want to buy food for themselves... God, it annoys the fuck out of me. I feel like a damn maid because I'm the only one who's doing dishes and washing towels and BUYING FUCKING TOILET PAPER. But yeah. Let's make Ace do all of the work so we can kick back and dick around on our days off. Just because I can't work as much as those two fucks doesn't mean I'm also able to do all this shit at home..

11/16/2022 Well, because of the weather, I spent another day at home. I need to get myself some snowtires so I can go out and about without any issue. But with another day to myself, I did some thinking. In the past, I've always had an unhealthy relationship with my body and eating habits. I want to change that. I want to have a weight diary or whatever and not spiral into disordered eating again. I'm at a point in my life where I'm confident that I can sew the seeds of change and make it all positive. I want this to be positive and open, y'know? I'm not sure how I'll do it, but I have a few ideas in my head. I do know I want to make it a public thing. Share my journey in a positive light and build that healthy relationship with myself. Not too sure when I'll even start, but I feel like I'm ready.

11/15/2022 Today has been pretty good! Woke up to an empty house, so I spent some time downstairs just hanging out. Did my laundry (again, cause my shit head brother put my clean clothes in with my dirty clothes,) made myself some lunch, and took a nice shower. I'm honestly gearing up for a nap right now, but I still have the energy and urge to do more! I feel great.

11/13/2022 As I return to the lull of my normal life, I realize that my normal life is ass. I work 4 days a week and see my aunt every Saturday. I don't see my friends enough. I don't have fun with others enough. I'm tired of spending every single Saturday with an senile old lady who annoys the everyloving fuck out of me. And yet... I can't seem to break the cycle. I spend so much time at home. And I'm just okay with it. I don't like it. I want to go out with friends and do fun stuff. I want to go to a bar with the homies and complain about how shitty Teen Titans Go or some other cartoon is. ...I think I should talk with my therapist about this.

11/08/2022 Today was pretty good! I was able to clean up my room finally and put all of my stuff from the con away. I did end up bleeding on my sheet though... I had a got damn blood pimple or something on my thigh. Apparently I had a blood clot just ready to fucking go because I now have one hell of a hole in my thigh and god does it hurt. But yeah, better news is that I'm settled back home and my room is clean!

11/07/2022 Well, Youmacon was more or less a bust. I got blisters day one, plus all the waiting in lines in a hot building made me sweaty and dizzy as fuck. I almost passed out day 0 when just trying to pick up badges! And don't even get me started on the shitty hotel. Shit service, and the quality overall was just ass. I was only able to actually cosplay on Friday; simply because I was in too much constant pain and almost always sweaty when not in the hotel room. Aside from the absolute shit-show of a con, I still had a lot of fun with friends! We were able to go to the dealers hall on Sunday (before we left for home,) and I got lots of cool shit. But now I only have 14$ left in my account lmao.

10/23/2022 Today was absolutely gorgeous out. Sucks that my bones were killing me all day, but I enjoyed the warm while I could. I just hope this nice weather sticks around longer! I have a Goosebumps / Tales from the Crypt marathon with the homies this weekend, and Youmacon next weekend! I'd prefer it be warm through it all lmao. Oh, also!!!! I made new friends on Overwatch!!!! I'm very excited about it. They're all chill as shit and it's great.

10/20/2022 Well, today sure was a fucking day. Had to yell at two grown ass adults like they were 4-year-olds because they just *had* to get into it about politics. And the lady who started it (POC, democratic leaning, so the party I would've supported in an argument like this,) yelled back at me, telling me my job is to shut up and bag her groceries. You tore into a Trump supporter over their shitty political views, and them immediately turned around and made me your enemy? The fact I had to yell at you in the first place is just plain embarassing. And I only yelled is because you two fucks were sending me into a panic attack! I wasn't about to sit there and listen to it for another 5 minutes. No thanks. And of course instead of making sure I was okay or anything like that, my manager only told me to shut up. I rang people up for another 30 minutes, on the constant brink of crying. That was just sooooo fun. I also just had a fucking migraine all day stemming from my stiff ass neck and I just... I want a nap.

10/19/2022 Oof, my therapy got cancelled today. My therapist is sick, which sucks, but I'm glad she prioritizes her health. Ended up spending my day just... hanging out. Playing Overwatch and napping. Been working on updating my Twitter a bit, but of course I only get the motivation to do so at night lmao. Also decided I need to make more flags for myself. Again.

10/17/2022 Y'all I felt like absolute shit today (and yesterday, oof,) but I made it through work. I really enjoy the people I work with, and I get to have a lot of fun with the customers. It's nice when I can do that. One of my coworkers is also an extreme ally (although I'm seriously clocking him as gay. As a fag myself, I can just feel it from a mile away.) He agressively uses my pronouns when talking about me with others, and it's honestly so appreciated. Nobody else notices my pronoun pin (I'll be adding more lmao,) so to have someone actually use my pronouns and show me that respect.... Makes a grown man want to cry. Speaking of pronoun pins, my friend made me some with the 2S Pan-Lesbian flag on them!!! I'm so excited to have them. Especially in time for the con. They go well with my "Karkat for President" pin lmao.

10/15/2022 I've been working hard on getting my Aradia cosplay together for Youmacon... My only problem is I don't have the horns done lmao. Y'know, one of the most important pieces of the whole thing lmao. In other news, I've been having a lot of issues with my aunt once again putting words in my mouth when talking to my mom. She keeps telling my mom I don't want her to go to Texas, but I've said since day one that I'm completely fucking fine with it. I told her flat out again today, and maybe she got it through her head finally. I'm not sure why she keeps doing this, but she sure does. And it annoys the FUCK out of me. Also Overwatch has been taking over my life again and I forgot how fun it is to play Sigma. I love he.

10/12/2022 Wowwie I'm on a rollercoaster today lmao. Woke up late by half an hour, and had to quickly scarf down my breakfast before therapy. My session started out good; I was feeling tired but great! And it went downhill slowly but surely. We got into some deep stuff and I just... Eugh. I'm still anxious about it all. But it's good- I'm making progress. Now I'm eating ramen with shrimp in it :) I just gotta remember to take a shower lol.

10/08/2022 Today has been...Bleh. I've had a headache all day- woke up with it. And I went out with my aunt again like usual...And again, she's annoyed the fuck out of me and pissed me off. She keeps saying that I don't want my mom to go to Texas, but I do fucking want her to go, if it's best for her. But my aunt doesn't want to her to go SO FUCKING BAD that she's willing to lie and put words in my mouth constatnly. I'm so fucking close to blowing up on her.

10/06/2022 Yesterday was absolutely amazing. I got to meet up with my childhood best-friend again, and we went out to lunch! We got Olive Garden- y'know, the most boujee place in town lmao. We also went downtown and got some ice cream, which was really fucking good. I can't tell you how happy I was to see her again. Oh, and I also was able to get on Overwatch for the first time in years! I'm glad its ftp now, because I am one broke mother fucker.

10/03/2022 Welp, had fun at the dentist. They fucked up a tooth (again,) and my jaw hurts from having it locked open for over an hour. (I have TMJ, so my jaw will lock if I open it wide enough. Gets harder to unlock the longer I have it open...) I have a deep cavity in one of my teeth, and it's not safe nor worth it to get a root canal. Okay, fine. It's not the worst thing ever. My only problem is, after ALL that drilling, they gave me the worlds shittiest temporary filling. It's literally all sorts of sharp and jagged... It's constantly stabbing my tongue and I have to deal with it until December. I'm already going insane. And my dickbag oldest brother has covid again. I'll beat his ass if he gives it to us all. Douchebag already tried to go back to work with it.

10/02/2022 Today sucked. Why? My body is failing me! :D (can you smell the sarcasm yet?) My back has had a knot in it for the past three days, my legs and shoulders are constantly aching, and I can barely walk half the time.... I'm hoping that, with my x-rays done tomorrow, I'll get a proper diagnosis for my shit-bones-disease and get the proper help. I can't keep going on with all this constant pain...

9/30/2022 Day two of work was...okay? Lady who's training me has a weird thing with our local Latinx community. She warned me multiple times that a lot of them come through, with large loads and blah blah blah. Yes, Linda. The Latinos are getting a lot of food for their houses. Just like the 30 white people I rang up today. Just because they don't speak english well or at all, and we don't speak spanish, it's weird???? Hush you old fart.

9/29/2022 First day of work was actually great! Got misgendered (a lot,) but now that I have my badge, I can slap my pronouns on it! I also surprised the old lady I was working with with my strengh, even though it was literally just a bag of cans lol. But hey, I'll take the ego boost.

9/28/2022 Weather update: cheesecake was really fucking good. Added some of my aunt's strawberry jam on top of it, and just oh my gOD. Also still fuck twitter. I'm being told I should unblock someone who's "only telling zoo's and map's to kill themselves." You wanna catch a manslaughter charge when they decide suicide is okay and go through it??? Yes, zoo's and map's are gross and need help, but being told to kill themselves will make them want to offend just to spite you, or will actually go through with it. I don't know how someone can be okay with pushing another to death, and have that on their hands.

9/28/2022 Had a great therapy session today. Picked up some more tools, and I'm ready to use them >:3c. Also fuck twitter lmao.

9/26/2022 So I got a call back from Walmart! They're offering 14$ /hour, just for being a part-time cashier. It'll be weird, but I know it'll be good. Also!!! My cold is going away! My mom got me some meds yesterday and they are working hard. I can already breathe so much better!

9/25/2022 Ugh, my nose is so dry that it's constantly bloody... The smell of it is driving me insane. I want this cold to leave already!!

9/25/2022 Had a lot of fun today with my mom! We got mexican for lunch, picked up my drugs at Walmart, and then went to one of the many thrift stores in town (didn't actually get anything,) and ended it with boba. It was very nice, even though I didn't have any money... My mom is too good to me :,,,)

9/24/2022 Well, today sure was a day. My uber-religious aunt was very close to being transphobic (basically was but wouldn't outright say it,) my dad almost had a breakdown (over unrelated things,) and I kept getting weird looks from older dudes in my family cause I was wearing a mask. Even though I'm, y'know, sick. But hey, I got to see my granma and she liked my muffins. That's what's important.

9/23/2022 So after I took a fat nap, I ended up doing a lot more than I thought I would. I did laundry while I napped and then cranked out that batch of cookies. But the half can of pumpkin puree I had in the fridge went bad... So I didn't want to have another half can sitting for who knows how long. I thought about more cookies, thought about bread, and then it hit me. Muffins. I fucking love muffins. And when I tell you this house smells like a bakery you better fuckin believe me!!! Anyways yeah I'm very excited that I made pumpkin muffins. I also was able to get in a shower before everyone went to bed so now I'm clean and can fuckin breathe!!! Today actually turned out good!

9/23/2022 Family reunion is tomorrow, and I still have to do laundry and make one more batch of cookies. I'm just so exhausted I don't think I can. I'll at least get my laundry started, but good god. I'm going back to bed.

9/22/2022 So turns out both me and my dad are sick. Oof. But! He's making chili for dinner!! Hopefully it'll help clear my sinuses and I can sleep tonight.

9/22/2022 Ugh, I think I'm sick. I'm not sure how I caught it, but boy howdy my nose burns. I just hope it doesn't last a week like it normally does. I'm already tired of this shit.

9/21/2022 Been working on my site again. Finally got a working links page... I'm not sure why it keeps being wonky, but hey, I'll take what I can get lmao.

9/21/2022 Got to see my granma today! I took her some of my pumpkin cookies, and she said she loved them. She also took me to each friend at the seior center lunch and showed me off... I think I'm her favorite lmao.

9/20/2022 Been working hard on this, but good lord do my bones hurt. Aside from that, I am very happy with how everything is turning out!! I just need to not stay up all damn night again...